I Want to Do Couples Therapy, But I Can’t Afford It . . .

A note about this post: If you qualify for a mental health diagnosis and want your partner to be involved in your care, you can search for providers who take your insurance and inquire with your insurer whether they will cover family sessions.  In this post, I use the term …

The Pros and Cons of Premarital Counseling

Most couples who seek counseling are married or have lived together for at least a few years.  Often, by the time these couples seek counseling, their problematic patterns are ingrained, and it can take time to repair the damage.  On the flip side, couples in long-term committed relationships typically seek out counseling …

An Insurance Company Understands What So Many Counselors Don’t

While many therapists are advocating for their clients to build better boundaries, rid themselves of codependent behavior, and learn how to self-soothe, a life insurance company actually understands what attachment-based science has been showing for years – that we are happier and healthier when we lean on one another! This …

Choosing the Right Couples Counselor … Could Make or Break Your Marriage

Couples counseling is an intimidating endeavor for most people. It’s vulnerable enough to share your own innermost feelings with a counselor, but when you also invite along the person who knows you best in the world and might bring up some of your less-than fantastic qualities – that takes guts! …

What Are Your Killer Skills and How Often Are You Using Them?

Finding yourself exhausted after work or dreading going into the office each day?  There could be several reasons for this, but one you may not have considered is how much your job requires you to use your “killer skills”. Authors and career counselors Kevin and Kay Marie Brennfleck coined the …

The A.B.C. Method for Dealing with Kids’ Misbehavior

I no longer work with children, but when I did, I found that of all the skills I would teach parents, this is the one they seemed to like and use the most. Many child psychologists and parenting experts have versions of this. I learned it from one of my professors in …

Why Affirmations Might Hurt More Than They Help

I think we’ve all heard the advice to “think positive” and be more self-affirming.  I’ve heard of writing positive affirmations on the bathroom mirror so you see them each time you look there.  In theory, this should help us think better about ourselves and therefore feel happier, right? The problem …

Is Fighting the Best Predictor of Divorce?

No!   Expert psychologists and researchers, such as Dr. Sue Johnson and Drs. John and Julie Gottman, agree that fighting in and of itself is not the primary problem in troubled relationships and is not the strongest predictor of divorce. Instead, emotional disconnection and the way couples fight are more relevant …

Retraining Those Emotional Muscles

Lately I’ve been focusing on reminding couples to be patient and to develop an acceptance for how long it can take to develop new patterns in their relationships.  Couples who get down on themselves when they notice they’re slipping into their old problematic patterns might not be showing themselves a …